“So this is a long one....and quite embarrassing. This passed weekend. I go out to dinner with a guy I've been dating for a month now. It's our 6th time hanging out. Sometimes I drive and sometimes he does. Always been just dinner, comedy club, maybe lounge and then home.
He has never been to my house, I've never been to his. Well after dinner I do go back to his house, we have sex for the 1st [time], protected of course . However at 4 am I wake up, being the light sleeper I am, to a mad woman standing over us in bed. She proceeds to beat on him, and scream every curse...
"Word in the book. I'm just as pissed, mostly shocked. What shocks me even more is after I explain I didn't know about her. She picks up a clothing iron and bangs me in the chest with it. I start getting up to leave, he grabs her and she goes off the deep end. Mad that he is protecting me.
"Well she starts beating him with the iron in the head.... [I] have on panties and a t-shirt and can't get the door open, she throws the iron at my head, I duck and it hits my arm. I run outside with no shoes on, no pants in the cold rain since she busted his head open and will definitely bust mine.
"The police show [up at] 430am, [I] get my clothes and phone, which she has destroyed. They handcuff her and put him in an ambulance. I tell them not to arrest her, and just give me a report so I can have my phone replaced. My family says just let it go, be happy she didn't stab us and pay the $300
"To fix my phone. Was I wrong for not having her arrested. And should I just let it go, or sue him/ her for my phone? Not sure how they are married. He called me every morning and evening for the last 4wks. I'm usually on it with the details .....feel so played!” — Anonymous
Listen to your family. Let it go. Yes, her actions qualify as assault. But don’t think you’re wrong for not having her arrested. The case isn’t likely to go anywhere. Woman walks in her house— and I call it hers because she has a key and she’s his legal wife. If he owns it, it’s still hers because they’re married— and finds her husband in bed with another woman and goes off. She might be found guilty, but she ain’t serving any time off that. Every judge and jury will understand.
For clarity, she’s dead wrong to assault you and even her husband. But if I was on the jury, I wouldn’t vote to convict her. I like to think I wouldn’t react as she did, but my reactions to some things over the years have surprised me. I might maybe have gone off too. That’s one of those “everything gotta die— him, you, the dog, the house plants, every living thing.” Again. it ain’t right; it just is.
But you’re not even worried about the assault. You want $300 for your phone. You’d be better off asking ol' boy for it rather than going thru the legal hassle. But that means inserting yourself back into this situation with these crazies as opposed to being done with this man and his wife.
Also, that man ain’t sh—. He didn’t tell you he was married, or that his wife had access to his place before he took you back to it. He doesn’t care about his own well-being or his wife’s. So expecting him, who just got his head bashed with an iron, to care about your phone and the inconvenience of it all, is asking more than he’s capable of.
Charge this one “to the game” and pay for your phone to be fixed. $300 is nothing to blow off, but it’s also not worth the headache or the principle.
NOTE: This question came in yesterday and I posted a summary on my FB page. There were lots of questions, like “she couldn’t tell a woman lived at the house?” And “she went back to the house over a phone?” There was also a long discussion about whether or not she have the woman charged with assault , because hitting someone with an iron and then throwing it at them is a MAJOR offense. The responses were split 50/50 on whether or not to charge the wife.
The woman followed up on ask.fm to address the most pressing questions, and her final answer on whether to pursue money for her phone or press charges:
"I have decided not to press charges or sue. But I took 3 days off work and have bruises on my arms and breast. I get her rage, I was upset myself. But was not as vested . But don't put your hands on me. Or just fight me.... can take that. But an iron!!! She did bust his head, but he lived.
"I don't think she lives there. No signs of a woman. I believe they are separated, either way he is married and should have told me. No I didn't go back for a phone, I went back for my clothes and shoes. And yes I feel her pain, that's why I didn't have her arrested. But don't touch me!!
"For those saying I should dig harder, this man took me on a double date with his friend and his wife. I had zero clue, I feel angry, ashamed and embarrassed about the whole thing. She may be a victim also, but she assaulted me. And yes I'm moving on, don't want this drama ever again!!!