My Daddy gave me a stern talking to about the amount of profanity in the blog when I was home over the weekend, so I guess I'm going to have to talk more like "a lady" since he's reading (Hi, Daddy! XOXO). I hated to tell him that the way I type is actually the way I think and talk. (I promise, I'm a lady, Daddy, I just talk like a sailor somtimes.) So for Daddy, I'll try to clean it up... some. But only the words, not the content. I mean this is a blog primarily about men, sex, and relationships, it can only be but so "clean" and stay realistic.
So with that said, I give you today's blog. More quotes from the crazies I encounter and those I call my friends. (You can't get mad at me for the cursing, Daddy. I'm quoting people!)
BTW: my Legends To Be Dinner is tonight and I have an amazing evening planned for the women. I'll post pictures tomorrow. I've been so focused on preparing for them and the honorees that I don't even have a dress!!!!
"I woke up butt naked on the couch with the taste of Hennessey and street meat in my mouth."-- A woman recapping a story about the previous night's activities.
"Then he turns to me and says, 'I have to be forced to commit so we should make a baby tonight. Are you ovulating?'"-- Same woman, another detail from the same story.
"Be well. Grow in the direction of the light."- My closing remarks in response to a long e-mail from a misguided soul. (A more dignified way of saying 'f*ck you!' See, Daddy, I'm trying.)
"Barak Obama is Joseph Stalin." -- a drunk white guy yelling in Penn Station at 10:O0PM (my train was delayed. I didn't get to DC until 1AM).
"Woo Woo Woo. (Pause) Hey boo. (Pause) How you?" (Pause) Let me tie your shoe!" --An allegedly straight man hollering at a woman across a crowded restaurant bar.
"This is my mentee, XXX"- a barely grown ass man (my boy)introducing me to another barely grown ass man (maybe 3 years younger) who was okay with being introduced as an apprentice (Another one of my boy's tells me this a common DC practice for young men (27-30) to mentor other younger men (22-25) about the ways of life, women, and work. Is this my ego that's making me think this is insane? (Not the mentoring idea, but the introduction as such.)
"Just the seat I was looking for!" -- A woman moving to sit beside me in the aisle seat when the Amtrak car we were in had another 30 or so empty pairs of seats. (I wasn't sure if she was hitting on me or had no social decorum so I moved to another seat.)
"We won't bother ya'll. We'll just wait... Like lions watching water buffalo in the Serengetti." -- a male friend plotting on how he will invade, but not disturb The Legends To Be Dinner. (My male friends have been threatening to crash it since the Save the Date went out a month ago.)
"I ration the cock." -- an unnamed man trying to explain that he doesn't just have sex with every woman who shows interest in him.
"It's like being in the Serengetti. A man will always go for the weak one to f*ck."-- the same male friend explaining what woman a man is looking for at the club.
"Smile with your eyes, b*tches!"-- a beautifully gay man taking a picture of two straight men. After the shot, he explained that in this day of MySpace, Facebook, etc. that no one can afford to take less than model perfect pictures and he was only tying to help people who clearly needed it.
"Don't reach to be regular, D."-- my neighbor explaining why I should just ignore "bum b*tches" that tough type.
"My dick called me a dick"-- a man lamenting his morals invading upon his desire to get some and foiling the deal.